I talk in my sleep. A lot. Apparently last night I said "This is my umbrella. I love my umbrella, sometimes I kiss it.", among other weird stuff.

I don't even know. I dreamed about all kinds of crazy shit last night.

Oh man, guess who's cooking up a baby?

That'd be me. Also, I think when Adam and I visit our families for Thanksgiving we're going to hop down to the beach with a preacher and get our asses hitched.

Life is, as ever, exciting.

It's been forever since I've been on here for any considerable time. Things are alright, I suppose. I'm in town for a wedding that was earlier today that was, well, ... interesting. Very low class, to say the least. I skipped out on the reception so that I could bring Ollie home for a nap- he didn't nap yesterday and woke up early today, so he was tired and cranky as hell. Also, the reception was in a shitty little country bar that I'm surprised could hold that many people at once. Frightening place, the type that has country AND western. Ye haw.

So Ollie is asleep and I am curled up under a million blankets with a few layers of pants on, because my mum's jank furnace is on the frits again and isn't working to heat the house at all, even though she just bought it last winter. It's about fifty degrees out, so this fucking sucks to the nth degree. Oh well! I'm going to go curl up under a blanket, watch something off my mum's netflix, and work on the mittens I'm crocheting.

I got my new frames in! My sister helped crush the other pair so I've been walking around with glasses taped at the corner for a while now. I've got to get lenses for them, but I'm jazzed. They're kind of ridiculous.

( absurd picture of me and some of Ollie )

So my laptop, Ghidorah, is dying. I'm really sad, but I'm just not sure what else I can do for it. I wanna pick up a new laptop, but I also don't want to spend a boatload. I'm thinkin' about pickin' up a refurbished one online.. Anyone got any recommendations? I know I don't dig Dell computers much at all, but Ghidorah is a Gateway that I nabbed from my mum when she got a new one. So he's pretty old..

Any advice? Sites to stay away from, laptops you dig, anything? I'm looking to spend somewhere between $300-$500 here, but I'd rather go on the lower end since I'm wanting to move within the next two months or so and don't want to blow all my cash now.

Why do I have an OKCupid account? So that I can have exchanges like this:

rusty121:you must be a parking ticket becuase you got fine written all over you.
pleasesurprisem:Oh, my. Wow. Um, seriously?
rusty121:serious as a heart attack
rusty121:thats pretty serious
pleasesurprisem:Can you only speak in cliche?
pleasesurprisem:I'm just curious.
rusty121:yeah its my weakness
pleasesurprisem:Ouch. That's a pretty fatal one.
rusty121:its my kryptonite
pleasesurprisem:Wait, then cliches would hurt you. You wouldn't be able to get near them...
rusty121:i do have super powers so thats a plus
rusty121:maybe
pleasesurprisem:But if you're constantly spouting cliches you wouldn't ever be able to use said powers.
rusty121:only some of my powers gets taken away
pleasesurprisem:That's an awkward arrangement.
rusty121:but when i get near a cute girl like you i get them back
rusty121:yeah
pleasesurprisem:But you're not actually near me, you're just talking to me. That's nifty.
pleasesurprisem:I wonder how that works. So your powers much all be in your head, I'm guessing? Because you're not near me or connecting in any physical ways...
rusty121:yeah i guess i just need to see a pretty face like yors
rusty121:to make me feel like a do have these so called powers
pleasesurprisem:Oh. Well, thanks. Maybe it's visual then, too? So I guess it's a touch physical but mostly mental perception.
rusty121:i guess, hard to say
rusty121:so it says your seeing someone. hows that workin out for you
pleasesurprisem:Pretty well.
rusty121:so u want to maybe get somethin on the side? lol
pleasesurprisem: ....
( TMI probably..  )

So I'm trying to chill and get some stuff done before I go to work because I've got eight and a half hours scheduled for today, twelve tomorrow, and another eight on Sunday. Oh, and Adam has to come into town to pick up some ceramic pieces for next weekend so he'll be here. And I will pretty much never be around. Oy.

I just talked to my old postman from when I was a kid! Whoa. Haven't seen him in years. He was delivering the mail here for the first time in years and asked to talk to me! We chatted for a bit and he asked if I remembered something from when I was a kid- I guess one year at Daylight Savings time I gave him a coffee mug and wrote a little poem about the time change for him. He thought it was real sweet and still remembers that, awww. So he wanted to say hi, see how I was doing, all that. He's the nicest old dude ever, that much I remember.

Hurray for nostalgia! It was pretty cool talking to him again. I guess I'm just posting this because otherwise I will probably forget, and that's lame. I wish my memory were better!

I HAVE SEX WITH THIS ON A REGULAR BASIS. LIFE IS GOOD.

1. I want this: http://www.amazon.com/Squids-Will-Be-Picture-Puffins/dp/0142500402/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239081609&sr=8-1

2. I suck and never update anymore. That's not cool.

3. I am crocheting a life-like squid. Am also painting and drawing them. I'm obsessed tonight.

4. I cleaned the fuck out of the house today because company was coming. It looks gorgeous around here! I'm proud.

5. I got together a ton of nifty baby stuff for this couple my sister is friends with. They're about 3 months away from having their baby and don't have much of anything yet. Poor things. They're a couple of cute anarchist punks and I want to help them. I'm in the middle of watercoloring a cute card to put in with the stuff I'm giving them.

6. I've been wearing my silver ring from my fella all night and haven't gotten red yet! I was curious earlier and tried it on. It's been hours and no reaction yet, hurray! Maybe being allergic to all that stuff was a passing thing? Here's hoping.

7. I'm not sure why I'm making all this in a list. Maybe to encourage brevity?

8. I got a second job! Everything other than my homelife seems like an omen to stay here instead of moving this summer. Too bad my mum's crazy and is smoking too much pot to be civil. Oh well...

9. Oh yeah! I dyed my hair. People I meet keep thinking it's natural. I think they smoke too much meth. Check it out!





The second picture is more true to life, colorwise. I dig it. Um, anyway, I've got some paint callin' my name. I'll try and update here more. I miss it.

I just sent my little sister $115 through paypal. Her pekingese, Ginger, got an ulcerated lesion on her eye. She scratched it playing with Fred (other pekingese), and it went from kinda upset looking to 'whoa, get her to a vet' very quickly. They sewed her eye shut and plan on doing surgery to remove it Friday. It's really scary because not only is that a harsh thing to go through, but she's pregnant too, so they can't dope her up as much as they usually would. Poor pup.

I'm really worried about her, I hope surgery goes well..

Um, in other news- Ollie's semi-worthless father got a hold of my sister through facebook. Apparently he wants me to call him? Despite the fact that I sent him my number almost two months ago, and haven't heard anything since, he wants me to call him. Whatever. He sent her this whiny pity me shit and lamented not being seeing his son because he 'didn't want to go through the hassle and jump through the hoops it would take to just see him for an hour'. Yeah, this is because I won't let him take my son by himself for the weekend. Which equates to 'I won't let him see him for more than an hour, at all, because I am an evil bitch'. Pssssh. She told him what a selfish dickbag he is, and called him a shithead. Except it was about two paragraphs worth of "don't talk about my sister like that, she's a good parent. if you cared you'd do something to get to know him you selfish bastard with no dick". It was amazing.

And no, the fact that my sister told that creep everything I've wanted to say for about two years now has nothing to do with my sending her over a hundred dollars without wanting her to repay me. Okay, maybe a little. But really, can ya blame me for being jazzed? I know he'll bitch and moan once I call him, but... oh well. I'll probably wait until tomorrow sometime, or the day after. Make him wait for once, the twit.

On a completely different note, I've been painting a lot today. Octopi and squid mostly. I painted the fellow's parents a thank you card for the awesome birthday gift, I'll be sending that out tomorrow. I ended up painting on the envelope too, and making it all cute. I like doing that sort of stuff.. I also nearly finished the unicorn I'm making for Keshia. I just need to add the eyes and fix the loose threads and that bastard is finished. Once I've sent it her way I'll upload some pictures, I don't want to ruin the surprise.

Um, I guess that's all. I've got to get up around 7 tomorrow morning, so I'm off. I probably won't get to sleep for a few hours yet, but I'll try.

I'm tired. I didn't get to sleep until about 4am last night because I am a sad loser sometimes at night, and I was moping online and not tired. Whatever. So I decided that now that Ollie is down for his nap I would go relax. I've cleaned and chased him all morning, why not? So I headed downstairs to my room, collecting on my way a good book I just got, some tasty juice, and the small bag of dark chocolate pretzels I'd been given and hadn't tried yet. Awesome. So uh... sidestory- lately Ollie has been throwing things down the stairs to the basement just for kicks. I usually pick them up immediately and set them aside. Unfortunately, earlier I didn't.

I was heading downstairs when, on the third stair, my foot hit that fucking pacifier he'd thrown and I immediately fell onto my ass and slid all the way down those godamned stairs. Also; my bag of pretzels ripped open and they all fell into the pile of smelly laundry my brother threw at the bottom of the stairs, the middle of my back slammed against the stairs when I initially fell, I scraped raw the joint of my thunmb somehow, and my ass will probably be bruised. What the fuck.

So, scratch that, I'm off to take a long shower and soak. I feel ridiculous.

"Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML"

fmylife.com, my new best friend and source of amusement.

I'm doing something to my hair todaaaaaaay. I'll probably post silly pictures later once I'm done. Hint: not cutting it. Also, I will hopefully no longer have 4 different colors all mixed up and lookin' skeezy.

I've been watching some old AFI videos on youtube and now I just want to unplug my headphones, crank up the sound impossibly loud, and dance around. My sister and I used to do that in the basement when the house was otherwise empty. It was fantastic, to be that deep into the music and just let ourselves go, throwing ourselves around and singing and occasionally smashing into each other without worrying about it at all. Their older stuff is just so good, so perfect for yelling. When I do start driving I intend to play a lot of AFI in the car, as it calms my mind but makes me body feel on edge and alert and just so ready to move.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I'm just reminiscing about when I was younger and could go to shows and just jump around and scream and thrash and feel so godamned alive and in touch with the music. Chucks squeaking on wet cement, my elbows sore from getting them caught against peoples sternums, throat raw by the end of the evening and the same bright look in everyone's eyes as they left a nice pit; weary but exhilarated.

H'okay, so I'm on okcupid because it's fun to meet people there in a totally platonic way and talk. It amuses me. I'm taking this 'dating personality' test and one of the questions merely says:
"If you have STDs, please go here" and the word here is a link- to eharmony.com

I'm sorry but that made me laugh my ass off.

You know you missed seeing pictures of my adorable baby, right? Well this morning I have decided to upload all those pictures that have been sitting around. Also, last night I filed my fedeal taxes- hurray! It estimated my getting back almost six hundred bucks, which is great. Most of it will go toward my 'get a fucking apartment' fund for when I plan on moving this summer, but some of it, I know, will go toward some kickass plugs. I'm thinking some kind of glass hanging design, since I cannot get that idea out of my head.

Also, I took my 10mg of adderall this morning and I haven't been taking it much lately at all, skipping days and mostly breaking those in half to have just 5mg in my system, so this is kind of hitting me hard. I feel like I just took a small dose of speed and I don't like it all that much. I need to take my meds more consistently so that it'll actually work like it should..
( On to the pictures! )

I consider myself a realist, but I have been trying to look at the positive side of things and so I tend to be more on the optimistic side than the pessimistic. It differs by day but generally I am just a great big ball of fucking sunshine.

I like to move it- from the madagascar soundtrack? Oliver loves that song. When he hears it he instantly starts dancing, stomping his feet, and spinning. I just kept that song on a loop and taught Emily how to wiggle her hips like I do when I dance, it was awesome. I can't dance all that well, but I've got enthusiasm to spare and hips like none other, so.. it works out somehow. I love it. Adam's mum said he'd find his ideal lady in a gal that will dance in the kitchen with him. Little does she knew we dance all over the place, in public or not. We almost started to in Keshia's hospital room, actually, but thought better of it. I really enjoy dancing when no one's around to judge me for it, and I'm getting a lot less self conscious about it these days.

What's your take on dancing? What do you like to rock out to? I'm about to throw Sgt. Pepper into the CD player and dance with the kids for a while. After that I think I'll finish up a scarf I'm crocheting and work on painting some of Ollie's t-shirts that are solid colored. I've got some alphabet stamps too, I wonder what we'll come up with?

Oh, and I've got a lot of laundry to do. NOTE TO SELF: CLEAN UNDER YOUR BED, YA GROSS ASS. IT'S AWFUL AND CLUTTERED AND FULL OF LAUNDRY. EW.

I am going to be alone for Valentines Day and my birthday. Adam won't be home for a few weeks and oh, HE CUT OFF ALL HIS HAIR. HIS GORGEOUS FUCKING HAIR. IT'S SHORTER THAN MINE NOW.

... it's just, short. And I won't even see him to check it out properly for ages and I will miss him and FUCK HIS HAIR IS GONE. He didn't cut it just a little bit, it's like, two inches long. Godamn!

My son just pet my upper arm with a spool of thread. I'm not sure where the hell that came from. He's getting really excited chasing that spool around and saying 'whoa whoa whoa!' and then trying to plug the vacuum into the spool's end. Today is just weird.

Godamn, sir. I mean, godamn...

None. I wouldn't change myself since there's no reason. I like people for their personalities and ideals more than for their junk.

I'm getting paid this evening and using a nice amount of it for gas to head down to Indy. My mum will be working at the hospital in Merrillville tomorrow so she can't drive me. I'm going to try and make sure Adam can come up after his classes are over and bring me down. I feel bad that it's a lot of driving for him but I need to get there. Need to.

I'm kind of feeling in shock right now? I'm really worried about my friend. I know she's a strong broad and can get through this.

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me!

My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
- what I create will be just for you.
- it'll be done this year. no guarantees when, it will be a total surprise!
- you have no clue what it's going to be. it may be poetry. I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. maybe a beanie. who knows? not you, that's for sure!
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to repost this, and repost right away. We can all make stuff and make someone's day a little bit brighter!

I want to paint today. I've got a ton of cardboard boxes I've been meaning to paint and cover with something, mod podge or packing tape or some kind of sealant, to make a set of jank ghetto building blocks for Ollie. Maybe I'll pen him up for a bit, break out the acrylics, and do something fun? I don't know. I want to do something artsy though.

I'm trying as hard as possible to be in a good mood. My brother woke me up a few times having a hissy fit about having to pick up dog food before he went out to look for a computer. I'm watching Emmy for him this morning so he can go out and just think and find one, but now I'm pissed at him. I went down to his room to find her some knickers and there were NONE. There was a huge pile of her laundry on the floor, a garbage bag that contained pee filled pull-ups (making the entire room reek of piss), and it made me so damn angry that I called him on his cell and bitched at him for a bit. Ew, man.

Anyway, I'm off to find something constructive to do. Maybe I'll post some pictures later? I'm trying to update more and quit being such a chump.

Also, I found my mp3 player! I thought it had fallen out of my coat pocket and gotten lost but there was a small hole in my pocket it squeezed through and it was lurking in the abyss that is the lining of my coat. Awesome.

( Guess what I did yesterday? )
Also:

I'm having a good day. I feel inspired, crafty, and at ease. I've decided that today I will:
Clean my room
Clean Ollie's room
Scan and upload some pictures of Ollie for Sam
Clean the kitchen
and probably work in some time to crochet a little. Adam went back to Indy yesterday and I'm already missing him so I figured I'd keep myself busy. Oh, and last night I found my watercolor pens. They're nifty brush pens with chambers full of watercolor paint. I did a silly picture of a girl and a pet kraken while the kids ate and messed with it for a little bit before I fell asleep. I'm not finished yet but I kind of wanted to upload it somewhere, it might as well be here.
in-progress:

finished product:

I've spent enough time on the computer, I'm off to go play with the kids and make some lunch. I'm thinking oranges, brown rice with veggies leftover from dinner, and chopped up chicken. Maybe later I'll use some of the wheat flour left from holiday cookie baking and make some awesome pancakes tonight. Honey bunches of oats with the flakes crushed up+wheat flour+ a little cinnamon and vanilla makes the tasties pancakes ever for dinner. I made those once a few years ago when I was really high and into making experiments in the kitchen and they've been my favorite kind of pancakes ever since.

H'okay, so now I'm done for real.

I'm in a good mood. Today I'm going to break out the tutus and dance with the kids for a while. My mum got Emmy a cute little skirt that's ruffled at the edges and looks kind of like a tutu without the fluff so we'll both be sillied-up. I finally got an eye exam on Wednesday so my glasses should be ready for me by next week, Wednesday at the latest. I bought two frames online but Jude ate one of them when someone left the gate to the living room open. Of course he went straight for the bubblegum pink catseye frames that looked perfect on me. Jerk dog. The aqua ones I ordered are actually a darker, less bright and obnoxious color. That's cool though, I like them. I can't wait to actually see again.

I'm feeling crafty today. I think I'll break out my paints and make myself a comfy headband, maybe stencil something fun onto it. Did I ever mention that on Christmas my sister started to dread my hair? She did a pretty half-assed job so I'm still fixing some of them but they're looking quite nice thus far. I need to upload some pictures of Ollie to send to Sam, it's been a while. His life apparently sucks right now and he's been on antidepressants for a while. I feel bad but my life is actually pretty great right now. Adam's lease expires in June so I've decided to stay here until then and gather up some funds and get things ready. I can't find a place that will really be hiring until summer anyway, so it works out alright.

I am off. I plan on going with Adam today to meet his psychiatrist. It's a 45 minute drive there and then 45 back and he usually just takes about 20 minutes to talk, so... that'll be fun. Hopefully Ollie won't mind the drive.

Look at my ears! I got new shiny things and felt the need to gloat. Also, I can take a picture through my ears of..myself. I am amazing, yes? Or just easily amused.

Quick update on life:

-The furnace is broken! It'll come in on Monday or Tuesday and until then we have two space heaters going upstairs. My room in the basement was about 58 degrees last night and I slept in there so that Emmy, my mum, and Jacob could take the couches. It reminded me of the time I was homeless and for some reason that wasn't all that bad. I slept well.

-Thanks to 10mg of adderall a day for the last few weeks I am almost caught up on my crocheting projects. I had a whole lot of half finished or just started stuff laying around. Today I'm working on a black tam!

-At work they have told me that I am one of about a half dozen folks they consider to be their best workers. Everyone's hours got cut but for me they just dropped two small shifts and left it at that. Apparently I'm versatile and great at whatever I do? Awesome.

-I went down to Indianapolis with Adam from Thursday morning through Saturday morning. I would definitely have to learn to drive to live there. Also, I'd be paying a lot for childcare and rent. Before moving I will have to have at least two month's of basic living expenses saved, if not three. I'm not sure if I can be added to his lease either, so I may have to wait until his lease is up.

-I want to elope. I really, really do. I'll be staying with Adam down in Indy from the 28th through...sometime. Probably a week. I want it to be our honeymoon. I want to get a license, snag Sara and Geoff, and go get married before we go. Later on I'd like to have a big reception and party thing for our family so they would get the chance to celebrate but... I want to get married out in the snow with boots on and snowflakes in my eyelashes and his cold hand in mine. It's the perfect weather for it and a great time but... He won't because he doesn't want to upset his side of the family.... Bummer, to say the least. I'm not sure how I feel about this completely.

-I'm going to ask my boss at work today what the company's feelings are on dreads. I am tired of my hair today and fuckit, I'll be gone for a week anyway. If it won't get me fired I want to backcomb everything but my bangs and try it out for a week or two. I've wanted to do a full set for ages but have just had single little dreads I've hidden away. I'm not happy with my hair lately and I cut an inch and a half off the other day out of sheer frustration. Also, I had split ends.

-Oh, and I've been writing a lot lately. Short little stories that probably aren't all that good but.. I like them. Maybe I'll post one soon. I've hardly been online lately at all. I don't mind. I feel very satisfied with life, barring a few difficulties.

Last night I took the fellow to see The Day the Earth Stood Still and we snuck some rum in. It was delicious and divine. Afterwards we parked near the lakeshore and snuggled and talked like we hadn't in ages. He told me about a treehouse his friend's father built and how he helped, about middle school bullies, and all sorts of stories of silly things his friends and he did in school. He told me about his ex that really hurt him and finally opened up more about that.

I feel content. I really do. My feet are really chilly and I'm watching the kids today while I'm not working (before 2pm and after 5pm, I've got a short 3 hour shift at work today). I've really been into wearing skirts lately. Comfy ones that hit an inch or two below my knee. I haven't worn them in ages but I also haven't fit into them comfortably in ages. I'm now sort of a chunky size 12. Pretty nice difference from this time last year when I was an 18. I'm so glad I'm getting rid of all that babychub.

Now the interactive portion of this post! Tell me anything. A secret, a story, a snippet about your day, a rant about something pissing you off. Tell me something about you. Anonymous or not, just be honest.
-

So Jude decided to break into the craft room last night and shit on one of the plastic bags in here filled with yarn. I'm not sure who he's mad at but I'll have to figure it out today. He's such a silly dog. I'm not too mad at him, I've done the same thing metaphorically. We're just a whole house full of passive aggressive shit sometimes, ya know?

In any case, my mum started to clean it up. Mrs. Paramedic-in-Gary, Mrs. A-gunshot-wound-is-nothing, Mrs. Stitched-her-own-kid's-head-closed. Yeah, her. She couldn't deal with it and puked. Hahahaha. So I stepped in and got everything taken care of and didn't even flinch. I had barely finished breakfast too, so I can still taste some yummy steak and egg in my mouth.

When did my tolerance for gross get so high? I've been dealing with all kinds of weird stuff at work and home and I am just not getting afraid or grossed out much at all. I scaled some cardboard boxes in the back room at work until I was hanging out on a shelf almost twenty feet up, getting some bags that someone needed. I was able to look down onto the highest shelf for product and wasn't even worried.

I am liking this new development. Also- since Halloween I've lost about 8 pounds. I've been eating a lot better and walking to and from work. Also, I started taking Adderall a few weeks ago and that makes me forget to eat. Except.. I remember to when I feed Ollers and I make a point of eating then, so I'm not sure why my mum is getting all upset about it and huffing about how I'm only taking the meds to lose weight. I eat at least three times a day and it's usually healthy, hearty stuff.

Fuck that! I am really happy with how I look for the first time in a while. I need to lose the belly pudge from having Ollie still but it's the hardest area to slim down so I'm not stressin' it. I'm wearing a size 12, maybe 14 depending on if I'm pms'in and feeling bloated. I know I don't look perfect but.. I'm happy. I am.

Alright, enough of the rant. It's been a while since I had something worthwhile to say here and I think I went overboard. I'm off to get some nice upbeat music on and clean more around here.

to do:
living room (DONE)
laundry
Ollie's room
kitchen needs mopped
more laundry
my room

H'okay. I think that's good for now. Also, in between all of that I need to finish crocheting my trade for the craft swap I put together for the folks of off_stretched. The deadline to send things is today! Eeek!

I was told today that my life is 'whimsical'. Which I guess is a nice way to say that it's strange and sometimes fucked up but things generally work out in the end. I bet if I made a graphic novel series of my life no one would believe it. I'm considering doing it sometime just to amuse others. Sounds pretty narcissistic at the core though, so maybe not. Also- my scare for the day:

Oliver has a short dresser in his room with four drawers. I painted it creamy yellow and bright yellow. Yay! The top two drawers are clothes and the bottom two are toys so he and Emmy dig in there sometimes for stuff. Today Em was trying to see what was in the top drawer so she pulled it hard, even though she's too short to pull it straight out. Jacob wasn't watching them and I broke my glasses last night so everything more than a foot away is fuzzy. Oliver was crouched down getting blocks out of the bottom drawer and Emmy was still tugging at the top drawer when CRASH! The dresser fell forward. It caught one corner on the stroller I keep next to it so Ollie just got his foot caught in one open drawer but it's not really hurt. It just scared him a lot and the lamp that was on top had it's bulb broken.

I, however, can still feel my heart racing twenty minutes later. It really scared me. He could have really been hurt and I'm very pissed that I wasn't watching them well enough. Jacob was on the couch being useless so I can't hardly even blame him, I know he won't watch them when they wander more than five feet off.

I took my ten mg of adderall this morning and I've found that it does heighten my anxiety a bit if I'm upset. I'm trying to calm down but it's hard. I just got so scared. I need to clean up the broken bulb, empty the dishwasher, and start some laundry. I'm so tired of this. I got three hours of sleep and I'm pissed at Emily for getting into where she knows she shouldn't be but she's just a kid so I need to get over it. I'm rambling, but... I'm angry. I really am getting tired of constantly watching her. If I'm not at work I'm playing mum to her here and I'm just getting done with it all.

I'm visiting Indianapolis with Adam sometime during his 3 or 4 week break for the holidays. I'm hoping to take a full week off to just go relax and take Ollers away and enjoy things again. Here's hoping I can get that vacation.

I overdrafted my bank account again. I really need to get overdraft protection. Ugh. I am getting so tired of this shit. I blew my paycheck, I really did. I bought stuff for Ollie, presents for the holidays, and stuff like that. Food too. But... I blew it. Ugh. I'll have more money on the first but in the meantime I'll have to ask my mum to help me pay my overdraft fees before it snowballs into something unreasonable- if I wait until the first I'll incur another seventy dollars or so in fines. I hate this. I really feel awful.

Oh, and Adam is gone until Thanksgiving. I've got the next two days off of work and feel pathetic right now. I can't believe I fucked up my finances again.

I got bored. I played with some bleach I've had sitting around and now the hair at the nape of my neck is bright fucking blonde. I thought having a natural red underlayer would look swank with the black on top. It didn't lighten as well near the ends so I'm giving my hair a bit of a rest and then I'll re-bleach the stuff that only went to a light brown color. Also- I have an orange curl up in my bangs. I grabbed a random spot and bleached it and it turned this even shade of orange and curled right up. Cute. Oh, and on the left side of my head near my ear there is a tangle of curls that stuck together and have started to naturally dread and it's about the size of a fist. Overnight. I'll grab the leave in conditioner and a comb and tackle that mean bastard later. For now I am jazzed because I look different.

What's new about you today?

I'm not dead!

Neither is Ollie!

And Adam's still hot!


Fucking hurray!

I have spent the last three or four hours snuggling, sleeping, and doing immoral acts. To say the least, I am extremely happy right now. I don't update enough, so I thought I'd do that.
How are you folks today?

edit- oh lord! Alright, I am writing this down to remind myself later: If I don't eat anything all day but a handful of cereal it is unwise, to say the least, to suddenly eat a small slice of pizza and a ton of cheesy bread. All that grease in foods I hardly ever eat combined with an empty stomach equals vom. Gross.

I'm sick. The insides of my ears ache and itch, my throat is sore, and I keep sneezing, which makes my throat hurt worse. I hate being sick. I just want to curl up under a blanket and snuggle with Adam. Steal his body heat, relax, and sleep and sleep and sleep. I've been drinking cough syrup for dinner and it's getting increasingly hard to hit the right keys. I probably backspace once for every three letters I type. Wheeeeeee.

I think I'm off to go sniffle and read a good book. My mum's friend is coming over and said she'd bring me some kind of frozen mango/strawberry drink from work. I love her. I'm feeling slightlydizzy and I don't really wnat to be online anymore so I think I'm off to bedfor a w hile to recouperate and relax and maybe I can ge t the world to quit wigggling so I can read. Goodnight everyon e.

I want this: http://www.customcreaturetaxidermy.com/specimens/specimens_6z3aa.html It would amuse me greatly, to say the least. Seriously, check that site out. It's fantastic.

Life is... okay. I am feeling grumpy today because Adam left town. Hopefully I can juggle shifts this weekend and trade my 5-close call in shift with someone so that I can go visit him with his mum. Staying over at his apartment Friday night would be bliss. Bliss, damn it. I miss him. He stayed over last Friday night and it was absolutely amazing to fall asleep next to someone for a change. It's been a long, long time. I love him. I'm gushing, I know. I'll quit. One last thing- I proposed. He said yes. I'm ecstatic.

Hmmm. I'm going out and about tomorrow to run errands. Taking my bridesmaid dress in to be altered, cashing a cheque, picking up some Ollie toys, and maybe talking to The Children's Place to see if I'm on the schedule. I hope not. I'll probably duck into Harry and David to see if they'd hire me seasonally again. I'd like a second job that isn't as absolutely soul sucking and awful as the children's place was. I worked one real shift and never want to go back in a professional sense ever, ever, ever again. Ever. Bunch of dicks and assholes there. The work wouldn't suck so much if the people were nice, but they're absolutely awful to be around. Fuck that, I don't need that negativity in my life. I'm a happy and engaging person at work usually, but that place made me want to just cry constantly. I didn't, obviously, but it was so depressing.

What else, what else? Not much. I should go to bed soon. Haven't been sleeping well lately. May update later with some pictures. Ollers is huge, happy, but has a busted lip. He was sitting on the couch earlier and toppled over, knocking his mouth on a planter. For no reason, mind you. Just started leaning over, wasn't tired or anything. Poor thing.

I am so broke. Today I got some concealed cash as payment for some plugs I sold online and the $6 means I can go out and get Ollers some milk tomorrow, since he's going to be out once he gets a sippy of it tonight before bed. I expect a call tomorrow about getting a second interview at one place, and I'm going to call bath and body works, since it's been a week past orientation and they haven't called me in to work yet. I need to work! I'm thinking of trying to get some crocheted stuff in a local consignment shop. It'd be rad to sell some online but I'm not that optimistic. I can make some kickass mittens, if anyone wants some for the cold season coming up? I may try and hustle my friends, because I am damn broke. Am currently supporting (through meager means) Ollers, myself, my mum, and older brother. He's got a job recently but won't get his first paycheck until the first. Oof. It's stressful, to say the least.

I have a lot of yarn- anyone craving some handcrafted awesome?